A year ago, while I was on vacation for 8 days in Hawaii, I didn’t read my bible. Not once.
I felt guilty. I never felt guilty for not working out most days. Or for eating 2-3 desserts a day some days. But coming back home, I felt so guilty for not connecting with God like I thought I should’ve. To me, I could give myself a break in those other areas (working out and eating) because I was enjoying my time.
You hear this all the time in the fitness community.
If you missed a few workouts due to life stuff: Give yourself grace, you’re doing the best you can.
If this past week of eating didn’t go quite as planned: Give yourself grace, this week is a fresh start.
If you chose to go get ice cream instead of going to the gym: Give yourself grace, you’re only human.
This all makes sense. I mean we cannot expect ourselves to be perfect. Because often when we do, that’s when we end up sending ourselves in a downward spiral in all areas. (Also, for the record, I don’t believe in “slipping up”, falling “off the wagon”, or getting “back on track”. It’s called life.)
You see, as humans we cannot be perfect. That’s the whole reason that Christ came down and lived a perfect life. Because after the Fall in the Garden of Eden, sin entered our hearts and our world. We were separated from God for He was perfect, and we were not.
So, no matter how hard you work and try and strive, you’ll never be perfect. Which I hope brings you comfort and reminds you that you can then stop striving. In all areas. But, despite the number of times we tell ourselves of this truth, I know just how hard it is to implement.
We say to give ourselves a break, to give ourselves grace and let things go. Which is all great . . . until we get to an area of life where we still struggle. Struggle to receive a grace that has already been given and grant ourselves permission to not be perfect.
Isn’t it kind of ironic that the one area we typically struggle the most to receive grace in, is the one area that we have already been fully given the most grace? That is, our relationship with God.
Back to vacation, like I said I didn’t read my Bible. I hardly prayed or listened to worship music. Don’t get me wrong, I found His presence and His beauty in the magnificence of the island. I saw His Power in learning the history of the island. I was filled with awestruck wonder of God by seeing His creation. Yet in my mind, that didn’t offer me any grace for not connecting with Him in other “typical” ways (reading my Bible, praying or listening to worship).
To make me feel even worse, I got hit with some hard stuff during vacation. I was pretty sick for the whole plane ride there and for the first 5 days of vacation. I got some hard news that left me feeling lost and confused and a little afraid. All of this only made me feel worse about my situation once I came back home. This nagging feeling that no Grace could ever be given for me losing my way for a few days (or if I’m being honest, a few weeks). Yet all the grace in the world could be given to myself for skipping workouts and eating many less-nutritious foods.
But why?
Personally, I think one big reason is because of who actually grants us the grace. With diet, exercise, working, etc. we are able to grant ourselves grace because we know that we are the only ones that can. We see ourselves and our actions through our own eyes, allowing us to understand and be gentle with ourselves.
Sure you might upset your trainer if you don’t show up to the gym, you may have your family worried about you if you suddenly start eating nothing but chips all day, your boss may be disappointed if you don’t complete all 4 projects for him/her. But ultimately, it’s all on you. The burden for doing/not doing those things is on you. The effect of your actions is on you, so therefore, you feel okay giving yourself grace in those areas.
But when it comes to our relationship with God, it’s different. Yes, similarly, we still see ourselves and our actions through our own eyes. But you see that’s where we are actually hurting ourselves. Because we see ourselves through our own eyes so clearly, sometimes we can’t see ourselves through God’s eyes as He sees us. Sometimes we can’t begin to understand or comprehend the fact that God has already freely and fully given us grace, no matter what we did, do, or will do.
We know this grace and that God has given it to us, but when we look at the messes we’ve made, and the mess of a person that we are today, we think “how can God love me like this?”. But He can and He does. Because when God looks at you, He doesn’t see you through your worldly eyes, He sees you through Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. He sees you, and will forever see you, as He sees Christ, His perfect, blameless child.
That is why Jesus spoke, “It is finished” on the cross as His last words (John 19:30). What is finished? The striving and stressing for an unattainable perfection is finished. Our past, present and future sins have been forgiven so forgiveness is finished. God’s anger and wrath on His children is finished. The veil has been torn and our disconnect with God is finished. God’s love, grace and mercy was poured out for us as Christ’s blood once and for all. It is finished.
And that is amazing grace! That God, who saw you and sees you at your worst, knows and loves you the best.
Right after getting back from vacation, I saw a post on Facebook that was shared, and it really spoke to me about this topic. It was like God was speaking to me right through the post. I’ve posted it below in hopes that it helps some of you as well.
It’s easier to give ourselves grace when we justify that we are really only letting ourselves down. But when it comes to reading our Bible, praying, building our faith, or anything else to do with our relationship with God, it’s not just us we are disappointing, we think we are also disappointing God. It’s like we project our shortcomings and failures onto a perfect, holy God. But can I just say that God isn’t like that. God is not disappointed in you; He loves you unconditionally! He has already forgiven you and given you grace.
God wants to hear from you, no matter how long it has been. He wants to strengthen your faith in Him, no matter how small it is (Matthew 17:20). He is delighted in you when you turn back to Him, no matter how many times you’ve turned away. Why? Because He has not forgotten you. He does not see you as you see you. He does not hold your mistakes, shortcomings and failures against you like you do. In other words, God is not as tired of you as you are of you.
Every single day God looks down on you and smiles for you bring Him joy (Nehemiah 8:10). God gives fresh grace and mercy each morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). God loved you so much that He sent His only son down to die for you (John 3:16) so that Christ’s blood could be poured out for you and God’s grace could be poured out onto you.
So, what does this all mean for you?
It means you can stop striving to be perfect so that you can “earn” the right to give yourself grace. We see ourselves through our eyes and we cannot give ourselves grace because we don’t think we deserve it. Well, guess what? We’re right! We don’t deserve it.
But that’s the best part about God’s grace. We don’t deserve grace, yet God still gave it. We cannot give grace to ourselves because God already given it to us. So, if we cannot give ourselves grace, what’s left to do? The only thing we can do:
Fully & freely receive grace where it’s already been fully & freely given. In Christ.
